I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
