i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
