Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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