Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
