Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
