YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
