That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
