so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
