went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
