i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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