Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
