Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
