So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
