i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
