so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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