i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
