I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
