Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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