CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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