i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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