yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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