Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize