She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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