it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
