the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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