I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
