We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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