Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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