margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
look no pants
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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