Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
