Im at strip club and am horny
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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