taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
