we have pet lesbian snakes
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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