i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
