I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
