Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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