So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
