just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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