i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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