if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
