Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
