So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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