it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
