i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
