Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
