Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
