Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
