if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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