Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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