I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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