weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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