Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
