I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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