I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
