ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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