Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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