I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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