smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Even my vagina gasped.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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