I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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