I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
