I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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