Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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