white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
