Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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