He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
