TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
